VII: Uh Oh (Or, Reasons Why I Will Never Be Published)

Here are four reasons why my novel is never going to get written.

Dark Souls

I was a huge fan of Demon’s Souls for the PS3, which was the most punishing (yet fair) game I’d had the privilege of playing in a long while. I’m not an exceptionally good player, but I relish a challenge, and as my skills have sharpened as I’ve gotten older, I’ve done kind of ridiculous things with games I used to find difficult—like playing through Zelda: Ocarina of Time with three hearts and no shield. I consider that, along with Demon’s Souls, to have been my all time low-point in my battle against my masochistic impulses*

All that said, I cried beautiful, harsh man tears when I finally beat Demon’s Souls, and I intend to do the same with Dark Souls.

*well, almost

The Last Guardian

I was a huge fan of Ico and Shadow of the Colossus—two games that verged on “transcendent”—and I really don’t use that term lightly. The art direction and overall “feel” of the games made by Team Ico is unique; there’s a good reason people use Shadow of the Colossus as fodder in the “Video Games as Art” war. That is, of course, another discussion. All that said, most people probably have The Last Guardian pegged (rightly) as an “Old Yeller” waiting to happen.

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
It looks to me as though Skyrim will do most of what Oblivion failed to do. The world seems real—with new wind, water direction, and lighting effects, I can see myself getting lost here. Oblivion’s dungeons—really, most of the world—all began to look the same after the 30 hour mark—a flaw Bethesda seemed to notice, as they’ve hired eight dungeon designers this time around rather than one.

Dead Space 2
I love to be scared. And zombie aliens are scary. I recall the perfect, mind-numbing dread that accompanied me through each of Dead Space’s 10ish chapters—how the fear was this constant, wonderful, terrifying presence, and how even at the end I was jumping.

Y’know, I think it’s that masochism thing again. Dang. I have problems.